The xQ

Last Friday I had the opportunity to go to a seminar about managing multiple priorities. It was fascinating and I left really energized. It was based on learning your own values and roles and learning to prioritize your life based on them. Putting the model into practice is not going to be easy, but I would like to try.

Over the course of the day there were several things that related to this Resolution Solution journey that I couldn't help but see. One thing that really struck me was that as we took some time to define our roles, I wrote down obvious things like wife, daughter, sister, manager, coach, volunteer, and then...caregiver. We were supposed to define to whom we play those roles. For "caregiver", I wrote myself. I am learning through this that I have to find time to take care of myself, and I have to plan it into my time, whatever method I use, so I wrote it down. When the leader asked questions after the exercise, among them was whether anyone had identified a role they play to themselves. I had, and it felt weird. But I knew I had hit on something during this journey that is of value. I have to take care of myself. Hmm...why didn't I know that till now? Why did I have to get so far gone to learn that?

So another thing that struck me was when the leader talked about the xQ. The execution quotient. iQ+eQ=xQ. I listened intently. And I thought carefully...and I am still thinking about it. Everyone knows what IQ is - a rating of intelligence. One of the newer buzz items in leadership training over the last decade or so is EQ - the emotional quotient. I had not yet heard of how putting those together gives you the XQ - the Execution Quotient. I sat there looking at the equation and thought about all the times I have said, or heard another person struggling with their weight say "I know exactly what I am supposed to be doing to stop gaining...I know what will happen if I don't, but I just can't seem to do it...why...why? What's wrong with me?"

Since long before I started this, I have been thinking about that gap between what I know and why I am not putting it into practice. Is the gap between knowing and executing understanding the emotions? Or is there more to the equation? But then why during this process do I feel the need to write and get all of this out? Is this exploration of the emotional side the key to long-term success - to finally executing?

I am thinking long and hard about this thing - the xQ. I am going to read and study more and, in the meantime, keep on trying to add it all up.

A rough patch

It was a rough week all around. Work was crazy busy, causing me to stay late almost every night. I had a bunch of intense meetings and all kinds of major deadlines to meet. It was one of those times when you know you just can't fit another thought into your brain, and 3 more things come at you that moment. I had some community commitments some evenings. I battled a sinus infection the whole time. I made it to the gym most days but I really didn't feel like going. Food-wise, I had trouble coming off of a great weekend at a friend's wedding where I ate lots of incredible food and didn't think twice. A couple of nights I had to pick up take out, and we ate dinner around 9:30 or 10 every night. Getting back in any sort of groove was very hard.

Yesterday morning there was a seminar at a local natural foods store for the Resolution Solution contestants. It was really interesting. I bought some new grains to try, some quinoa and bulgur wheat. I also bought some low sodium soups to try because I am learning from my bodybugg software that I get way too much sodium. I was excited when I left. Later I went for a wonderful walk with Karli on the bike path. It was a little cold and there were spotty showers so there was no one else on the path! We walked hard for about an hour and it was great. Tim and I did church last night, then a light supper at mom's of soup and salad, then I went to a candle party at a friend's. I came home at 9 all relaxed and feeling great.

Then somebody on the street started a party and the music started thumping into the house. Then my dishwasher started leaking. Then I got the phone call from my staff - major phone system problems - I was on the phone with them till almost midnight while they got it all worked out...then I broke out the wine and raided the fridge. I haven't done that in a long time. Frustration eating...stress eating...not good...

Today, I do not feel guilty about it, though. I recorded it all honestly in my bodybugg software, looked at it, saw it for what it is, and I am moving on. That is an accomplishment...a big one...I am not going to perseverate on it, overthink it, overanalyze it, and let it become more than it is. I am not going to ask myself what's wrong with me and let it concern me. It was a rough week, I stress ate...I am not perfect, and it doesn't mean any more than that.

There are rough patches on the journey. I just got through one.

The Big Sweetie

My husband is truly the Big Sweetie...I didn't expect him to be home late tonight, but he walked in at 9:25, looking so tired, and as he was eating dinner a few moments later, he briefly detailed what was indeed a very, very rough day, after which, he had worked late and didn't make it to the gym as he had wanted to.

I'd had a tough day myself, and late on, thought there was no way I would make it to the bike path to meet Karli and Jennifer, the TU reporter, but I did ultimately get there on time. In this process, I have learned the value of concentrating on physical activity after work..it gives you a chance to unwind...I had actually had that today...but still I got home thinking about my own crap and how I couldn't wait for Tim to get home because he gets the impact of things like circuit interruptions that create downtime, infrastructure deadlines that are impossible to meet, but more than that, he gets me, and I needed to unload it for the day as I usually do.

Instead I got home to an empty house. I brought the groceries in by myself, made dinner, left the dishes and pans on the counter, and because I was beat, changed into my comfies, took out my contacs and put on the glasses, washed off the makeup, and sat down alone on the couch with laptop in lap to check e-mails, and dinner plate in hand to eat, while watching Top Model on DVR. Earlier, I'd had every intention of finishing laundry and beginning packing for our Friday trip to a friend's wedding, but once again, my intentions got waylaid. So there I was, doing what to anyone who walked in would have looked like pigging out and slobbing out...but my Big Sweetie walks in, makes his own dinner plate, sits down across from me, talks briefly about his very bad day, tells me dinner was good, and then gets up and does the dishes I had left behind before heading into the laundry room to do his own wash...at 10:00 at night...after a tough day..

I feel lately like I am very needy. I have become aware that I have a lot of support and am wondering why I need it. Maybe I am just too inward focused. I know that this journey requires some of that, but I want to keep the fine line in place. I have to remember that I am not the center of the universe. I do not want what I am ultimately learning for myself through this journey to impact my relationships with others. I want to make sure everyone knows how much I appreciate their patience with me, and their support. I will start with the Big Sweetie...because he is a good man and deserves the best.

Cool!

I bought a very nice blouse in December. I hadn't bought clothes in so long...it was a 2X and I liked it so I grabbed it and assumed I could wear it. When I went to put it on a week later I could not button it, no matter how hard I tried to stretch it. It was another defeat in a string of many, and I just put it away. Well, I wore it to an event yesterday and it was very comfortable...no tugging, no pulling...no gaping...that was cool! Also, today one of my co-workers told me I needed to take a look in the mirror because my pants were looking really long and hanging off of my hips. I kind of knew that because I tripped on them earlier this week...I was too busy to pay attention, but...it is true they look too big...that was, I must say very cool...