18 Peanuts

I love the peanuts on Southwest Airlines. They are so good. On the short flight to Baltimore today when I heard the flight attendant say “Peanuts?” I said “Oh yeah, I love those peanuts”, which usually scores me at least 4 or 5 bags. She handed me one and I was actually annoyed. Then I heard my friend Holly say, “No thanks” and I almost said “Wait, get some for me.” But they were too quick. I sat there with one little bag of peanuts and thought what am I supposed to do with that? There’s probably like 18 freaking peanuts in there. They think I am supposed to eat, like,18 peanuts?

I looked around and there was everyone with their one bag of peanuts. They were eating one bag. No one had any more than that. And I thought, yeah, but I am a big person. I can’t get by on just one bag of peanuts.

It sounds so stupid as I write it down. Umm…maybe I am a big person because I eat 5 bags of peanuts? 1 bag of peanuts = portion control. I hate portion control It’s going to be a struggle for me. It’s like someone telling me I can’t have something…Oh yeah?? Watch me… In my weird way it’s like I am in control when I take more…Who says I can’t?? I score.

I was contemplating those thoughts and I was cognizant of the recognition of the behavior, and thinking about what the whole bizarre backwards control thing meant and that I don’t want to tell Karli that because she would probably say to use that defiance another way like by defeating the wretched Arc Trainer or something like that. And then I got hungry. I opened the bag..and totally cracked up because inside (I counted), there were exactly 18 peanuts.

I ate them. I survived.