The end

I have mixed feelings. In terms of the Resolution Solution, I knew from the start that this was a 6 month endeavor. However, I have said all along that there is no end, that I am approaching this long term, and that this is the rest of my life. So now we have an end date to the RS, and I am struggling with what I am going to do. The final date, the final weighing is coming, and the announcement of the winner is August 17. So I toyed with buckling down, getting on MetrX, or SlimFast or something like that so that I could lose a fast 15 and score a contest win. Why shouldn't I try that? I might have a chance to win, so woo hoo...go for it! On August 1, I have 15 days to go so I will take some CLT, spend as much time as possible at the gym, and eat as little as possible!

But...I have spent many, many years living towards false deadlines. I was going to lose 40 pounds by Joe's wedding...well he celebrated his 17th anniversary last week. Get down to 180 by Donnie's...well, that was 5 years ago. I was going to lose 50 pounds by my 40th birthday...long gone...I was not going to go to the annual clam steam party in the summer of 2008 fat...well I did. So many false deadlines, and early on in the RS process I renounced them. Ha! Here we go again. I, suddenly, in spite of all my work for 6 months, am focused on a deadline. I don't want to do that. If I have learned nothing else in this journey, I don't want to focus on false deadlines, be they a weekly weigh-in, an upcoming birthday, or any other sort of event, including a contest end date. So, I guess I will just keep on plugging along.

I do not know what is going to happen. Who is going to "win"?

The only way I can win is to incorporate what I have learned from this wonderful opportunity into my life long term. This is not about 6 months or short term goals...been there, done that, did not work.

I have no answers, but I am going to keep writing because it is helping me.