I said no

Tonight we received an unexpected last minute dinner invitation to my sister Becki's house. I didn't know it, but Tim had made plans to go with her and Mark later in the evening to the Elks club, and she called and asked us to join them for dinner first. We were heading out the door to church when she called. He handed me the phone and she asked me about dinner, and I said no. I actually said no. Not because we were busy, but because I panicked about the possibility of the food and wine. I had a nice sensible dinner planned that fit into my day, and I didn't know what they would be serving so I said no.

Driving to church I got so mad at myself. This is life - and I said no. I said no to people I love and haven't spent time with in a long time. Well, people are going to be calling last minute - food is going to be around - wine is going to be around. And I have to learn to put it all in perspective. Other people do it. I have to learn how.

I am not going to be "on a diet" perpetually and be afraid of being around food. I swear I am going to learn how to manage it. I know that I have to learn how to say no to some things - to some situations - clearly I have been out of control for a long time, but this is really bugging me. I can't do this...I can't say no to things like this for this reason.

We left church, and I called them back. I said if the invite is still open, we will be there. We went, we ate dinner and shared a bottle of wine.

It was food.

I have to learn that is has no power over me.