Thank you, Anna

There is always a reason for the way things happen...God is good. So I am really, really struggling these last few days and today I had a rotten, depressing day, or maybe, just one where it all hits me. It started with me hauling myself out of bed because my joints really hurt and I ache all over. I was running late to work and dropped my toast as I was getting in the car. I know I am supposed to be eating within an hour of waking to jump start my metabolism so I was trying to get something in me and instead it landed on my toes. I had a busy morning as usual. At lunch time I actually tried to get out of the office and run an errand for the first time in months and everything went to kaka...no need for details. I got back and all I wanted was to to go to Pizza King for 2 huge slices of meat lovers pizza, but I resisted. This afternoon, it was 91 degrees in my office (Springtime is rough with an old HVAC system) and my ankles and legs were totally swelling up but I pressed on. 5:30 comes and I have a lot to do and I so totally did not feel like going to the gym at all, let alone to choir rehearsal at church afterwards. I wanted to go home and plop on the couch and eat an entire bag of kettle chips with clam dip while waiting for my crispy supreme frozen pizza to come out of the oven. But...I went to the gym.

The skinny gym locker room girls were putting on their little t-back racers and skin tight shorts. I caught myself in the mirror and I looked enormous. Why the hell was I there? Pressing on, I started to get dressed only to realize I had no socks...damn...pressing on...bare feet in sneakers... I go out and all the cardio bikes are full...pressing on...try to walk the treadmill but my hips were killing me, my knees were killing me, and my bare feet were slipping in the sneakers and I was sure blisters were going to form...I got off...I wanted to cry so badly. I was actually going to cry, but crap, I have been in the newspaper and there is no way I am going to cry when people might recognize me. Pressing on...I saw a bike open and I went to it. The guy next to me started to chat a little and distracted me enough so the time went by but I was really having to push through it. He finished and left. I had 20 minutes to go and Karli wasn't there so would anyone really know if I just freaking quit???

And then, I saw this woman with a beautiful smile come expectantly towards me. She said, "Janice??", and I panted "yes". She told me she was so excited and happy to meet me. She is Anna, another contestant in the Resolution Solution. She told me how inspiring I have been to her, and how brave I am to have gone so public. She floored me... She sure didn't look like she needs to lose 75 pounds and I told her so. She said she had lost 30 pounds prior to entering, after having gained 120 in the last few years after losing 100. And then she told me how she was a single mom who had gotten terrified that she would end up dying young and leaving her child alone. She said she worked all day as an IT Analyst, and that she understood how hard it is to schedule time because she had to bring her son to baby care in the gym while she worked out and she was worried about getting him home late, but he seemed to be doing well. She talked about things that had such meaning...that were so ultimately selfless...she had so many legitimate things to deal with but she was so positive, and she was still so excited to be in this, and it hit me...HARD...that mine was that I just wanted to go home and drown myself in clam dip. I was humbled.

But Anna continued. She told me she has been reading my blog and we laughed out loud when we realized that she related so well to my thoughts that I am making public. She told me again how inspiring it was to read everything and know you are not alone. We talked about the impulsive weighing...and I was glad to know I am not alone...see since I got weighed at the doctor's office last week...oh. I forgot to mention that, didn't I...I have been obsessed with getting on the scale. Anna made me laugh when she told me how she gets on the scale 7 times every morning hoping it will move down a little more...so I am not alone?? And she laughed when I told her that since I got weighed at the doc's I get on the scale every 2 hours..so I am not alone?? And before I knew it, my time on the bike was done, and there was Anna...still thanking me...

Well, thank you, Anna. I cannot tell you how much perspective you gave me today. You inspired ME because you showed me A) I am not alone B) I should be ashamed of myself... my aspirations do not involve raising a child, they are self absorbed and C) you made me laugh today and realize that today is just a day..one of many...one of many...I am delighted to have made your acquaintance, Anna...you are my inspiration.