I ate fried haddock on Thursday. I ate potato chips at 10:00 in the morning yesterday, and I drank Gin and Tonics last night. I didn’t go for my walk either. Because I did those “bad” things there is part of me that is trying to rise up and make me feel really, really guilty and bad about myself. I am trying to get her to shut up.
See, I am on a 4 day girls’ weekend “vaca” in Cape Cod. The weather is spectacular, and I am very happy because these girls have never been here before…my step-mother-in-law, her daughter, and her daughter are all here for the very first time, and what a joy it is to discover the Cape again through them.
Life is full of good things, and among them is food. But food can overtake you if you let it. I am realizing how much time I’ve spent thinking about food while putting weight on, and am now realizing it’s a hell of a habit to break. Now while trying to learn how to be healthy, I am still thinking about food a lot...”I really shouldn’t be eating this?”….”or “how come they can eat that creamy clam chowder and still not be fat?”…or “gosh, I can actually hear those donuts calling my name”….things like that. It’s a tough habit to break…focusing on food…it comes from many years of it, but recognizing it is the first step in straightening it out, and hearing that critical voice inside is the first step in shutting her up.
I ate fried haddock on Thursday, fresh out of the Chatham waters, but I got it with cole slaw and the vegetable of the day instead of fries. We stopped at the donut shop, but all I got was a cup of black French Vanilla coffee. I ate potato chips early yesterday morning, but it was a ¾ ounce bag of reduced fat Cape Cod chips that a smiling worker handed me fresh off the packing line; they were still warm and they were amazing. We had a picnic and I ate lots of vegetables with my tuna sandwich on whole wheat and totally avoided the apple turnovers that were on the table. I drank Gin and Tonics last night while playing dominos, but I didn’t even taste the birthday cake we had for dessert. I didn’t go for my 2 mile walk yesterday but we spent all day walking on beaches and I held a beautiful little 5-year old girl’s hand while we teased the waves with our toes and then ran from the chilly water as it taunted us back and swarmed our ankles. Life is full of good things, and I didn’t do so badly after all, so be quiet in there.
Tomorrow we are going to Provincetown and we are going to the Portuguese bakery. I can’t wait for them to see the fried dough, and the custard toasts, and the huge raspberry jam-filled cookies. Personally, I am going to get a loaf of sweet bread and I am going to rip a piece of it out of the bag and bite into it as soon as I get outside. I can’t wait.
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I just read an article about you in the Times Union. I have also been battling weight loss, probably a little different than you, but nonetheless, still a battle. I've was thin all my life. I never weighed more than 120 at any one time in my life. Lost all my baby fat shortly after having my children. Extremely lucky I thought. Then I turned 40. Quit smoking and started gaining. My response was "I was thin for the first 40 years, who cares if I'm heavy for the next 40". Well it started to get to me. I didn't get extremely heavy, but too heavy for me. My brother passed me in front of a store one day and didn't even recognize me. Hard to believe. I decided when my 50th birthday was coming and my son wanted me to start hiking with him, that it was time to do something. So I started walking. I always said I had no time to exercise, so I decided to start getting up earlier in the morning and walk before my day got started. It started becoming a habit. I measured out 1 mile down the road, then I turned around and walked back.
ReplyDeleteAfter 1 year I lost 35 pounds. It took me a year to walk off that weight. I watched what I ate and started eating much smaller portions. It worked and I was thrilled, but sticking with it, like you, was hard. I really wanted the ice cream cones in the summer. I wanted to be able to eat hamburgers and chips for lunch.
It's now been a year and a half and I've managed to keep the weight off. I occassionally gain a couple pounds (around holidays or on vacations), but I know I can get it back off. I think my trick is to look at all the heavier people around who are not even trying. I may not be at 120 lbs anymore, but I'm also not 25 either. I'm 51 and weight 150 lbs. That's okay with me. I still exercise everyday and I know that my body is heathy. Even if I cheat once in a while, I'm still much heathier than I have ever been in my life and I enjoy hiking with my son!
Stick with it, you will do great!
Diane, thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. I really appreciate it. I am trying to learn how to live, really live and enjoy everything, but still be healthy. It sounds like that's what you are doing and your story is very inspiring to me.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of walking off the weight. I will be thinking about that on the bike path tonight!